Tue, 12/24/2013 - 09:36 — Pauline Neckles

Dealing With A Breakup Over The Holidays

A few years ago the pain of the most serious heartbreak I ever experienced occurred just about nine days before Christmas. I spent a whole day, if not more, ranting and raving in tears because I thought my holiday experience as well as my 30th birthday celebrations would be ruined.

It turned out my tears were in vain because this writer, who can be somewhat of a Scrooge on any given Christmas, had one of the best Christmases ever and a pretty great 30th birthday.

How did I turn a heartbreak that threatened to overshadow a season into the catalyst for the best season ever? It was a combination of my determination not to have any regrets for this landmark birthday, a rumbustious group of teenage girls and a family that never fails to make me laugh 'til my belly hurts.

Sad during the holidays

Beat the breakup holiday blues

Take some 'me time'

The holiday is a busy time. Therefore it seems hard to think you can squeeze some time for yourself. But it is essential that you make the opportunity to determine what you want to learn from the time spent in the relationship and the breakup like you would after any breakup. This gives you the time to grieve the relationship which is very important if you are to recover from the pain of the breakup.

During my times alone just before bed, I would journal my thoughts. It was through this personal time that I made the determination I will not let this breakup ruin this time for me. I thought to myself – put the breakup out of your mind and deal with it after the holidays and my birthday. But the very determination to sink myself into the holiday and the season healed my wounds as it allowed me to see life outside of the breakup and the relationship, and appreciate all that I have.

Connect with friends and family

On the day of the breakup, I had to choreograph a dance piece for six teenage girls who demanded all of my time and attention. It took every ounce of self-control not to cry my eyes out the whole time. But the time I spent with those girls was so soothing and the love and appreciation they showed me gave me perspective to finding love again in my life.

Add to that the time I spent cooking, cleaning and shopping with my family which made me laugh and cry so much that it took my mind off the breakup and heartbreak. Similar times with your friends and/or family can serve to remind you that you do have love in your life that is a great support system. It can also show you that your life can and will be great without the person you are grieving. At that point you may be surprised to find that you are open to new love entering your life.

The time with yourself and family helps you to focus and reallocate time to the other areas of your life to cover the loss of the love you may feel. You may have been anticipating a great holiday with your love and thinking that it won’t be the same without him or her. I know for sure it won’t be the same but the time with friends, family and self will be great anyway. It sure was for me.

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