Sun, 05/30/2010 - 17:14 — Pauline Neckles

Is This Really Love?

“There are butterflies in my stomach every time I see him”, “I can’t stop thinking about her when she is not here”, “I think that he may be THE ONE”. These thoughts ever crossed your mind? Well then you are not alone. It is something that happens to everyone at least once in their life: love. Or is it love? Sometimes we are actually infatuated or in lust but mistake it for love and roll full steam ahead into a relationship only to become disillusioned or hurt.

Is this couple in love or lust?

Is that love or lust in her eyes?

To help you avoid this horrible fate, we make the following suggestions for you to know which category your feelings fall under:

Infatuation

While these feelings can seem strong at first, they can peter out after the novelty wears off. The infatuation you feel is often due to traits in your crush that reflect good or bad qualities of someone who was instrumental in your childhood. When you get over the existence of these traits in the object of your affection, the initial attraction can fade.

You are infatuated if:

  1. The feelings start to wear out at any length of separation. With love absence makes the heart grow fonder but with infatuation being apart causes the feelings to weaken.

  2. Are you feeling insecure, unreasonable and jealous even with no real justification? This can be a sign of infatuation because you are unsure about your feelings, therefore you lash out at any minor violation.

  3. Your feelings are not based on the person but on something that person has e.g car, house, money, looks etc. Should that person lose those things then your feelings would disappear.

Lust

This can be a very strong physical attraction to someone and the sexual desire that we feel for someone who we often don’t know very well and feel comfortable fantasising about. Lust is about being 100% motivated to act only on your physical attraction as opposed to genuine care and affection.

You are in lust if:

  1. If you only care about his/her body or looks.

  2. Before you know his/her name you are thinking about sex with them.

  3. You are not concerned that you and your partner don't have anything in common because you reason that the looks and the intense feeling you get for their looks will make up for it.

  4. After you get what you want, you are less concerned with your partner’s desires.

  5. You can only describe your partner based on physical appearance and looks.

Love

When you love someone and it’s romantic, you appreciate them physically but your affection goes beyond this attraction. You appreciate their whole persona and characteristics and you want to share yourself with this person. You care about their welfare and want to foster a relationship with them based on mutual care and respect.

You are in love if:

  1. You see a long-term future with this person.

  2. You can’t wait to introduce them to your family.

  3. You want to spend time together sharing in things you have in common and enjoying each other’s company.

  4. You feel special when you are with him or her and you return that feeling.

  5. You trust your partner not to hurt you or your relationship and any feelings of jealousy are only in passing.

  6. You feel your happiest when you two are together.

  7. Neither you nor your partner asks each other to choose between you and friends and family.

  8. There is no desire to test each other’s loyalties and feelings by playing games.

  9. Any physical show of affection is by mutual desire and not by force or manipulation.

  10. Your primary thought is that person’s welfare.

The quest to find love is filled with missteps yet is quite rewarding. It is important to save ourselves the heartache by making sure that our feelings are genuine as well as our partners' before pursuing long-term relationships. While infatuation and lust can lead to love, it does not often happen this way, so be careful but not afraid as you look for your love of a lifetime.

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