Thu, 03/10/2011 - 16:38 — Laura Dupiton

Your Mind Is More Powerful Than Your Heart

We think of love and we flash to romantic montages of gazing into our lover’s eyes and promising an undying passion. However, love also tends to bring up memories of tear soaked pillows and those I-can’t-believe-I-let-myself-get-back-here moments. In reality this is where “love” can leave us.

In my own experience, love has literally doused my heart in gasoline and set it on fire, but just as quickly put the fire out and pieced it back together. After two years of treading through a relationship knee deep in my illusions of being “dangerously in love”, I set out on a mission to crack the code of this impenetrable force.

On this journey I found that although love has been constantly referenced as a matter of the heart, our mind is a tool that powerfully affects our relationships. This idea was developed by Dr. Henry Grayson and is called mindful loving. It focuses on how our thoughts, feelings and beliefs about love shape our experiences. Understanding this simple principle has been teaching me to start tuning into how my mind’s chatter speaks to my heart.

Mindful loving

Mindful loving: Don't just listen to your heart

Here are some tips to love mindfully:

1.       Stop trying to ‘get’ love. We have the tendency to attempt to get love from someone or something. Love as a commodity allows us to measure love to fit our expectations.  However, once the perfect “love” that we have envisioned does not show up or does not coincide with what we want, we feel powerless. Looking for love outside of ourselves leaves us at the whim of everyone’s opinion of our worth.  Mindful loving calls us to value, love and desire ourselves more than anyone else can.

2.      Love Yourself. Although it may seem cliché to say “you can’t love someone unless you love yourself,” it’s true! Searching for love outside of yourself gives others undue power over your emotions. The amount of love that we are willing to give ourselves is the same amount we are willing to receive from another.  Your self-worth sets the standard for the love that you are receiving in your life.

3.      Be willing to learn a lesson. I realize that sometimes relationships just don’t work and we reserve the right to lament and formally change the guys name to “asshole” or “he who shall not be named”. After the crying or anger fades it is important to become conscious of your thoughts. It is extremely simple to focus on the bastard that hurt you, but the real growth and self-love happens when you can look within yourself and be open to learning something from the experience.  Learning is the pathway to removing the same obstacles from your path that has been blocking the happiness you deserve.

4.      Learn to let go. So it’s been three hours and he has not responded to your text message. Take a second. Breathe.  When we start to get those “I think I like him/her” feelings every word and/or action he/she makes is amplified, analyzed and dissected. Expectations begin to loom over our shoulder telling us what should or should not be happening. I learned through constant attempts in controlling the actions of other that it’s not possible. Letting go and accepting the present circumstances allows time to detach from our fears and worrisome thoughts. Poise is power.

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